NFL Week 16
Sigh. What a bitter sweet time of year. The leaves have changed color for one day, died and been replaced by snow which subsequently melted and turn to brown slush. Ah winter in Iowa. I just spent most of my day chipping ice off of the front apron at the fire department where I work... and I get this feeling that I will be sore in the most unexpected places tomorrow. But that's neither here nor there.
Let's think back to a few months ago. Week 5 in the NFL. The air is crisp and just the right temperature. The leaves are changing and acting like they could fall any day now, but continue not to. Everyone has football on the brain. Analysts are baffled by the Titans football team who sit atop the league at 5-0. The name Jim Zorn and the phrase "Coach of the Year" are being combined with some frequency. The Giants are still, well, the Giants and Plax is minus exactly one hole in his right thigh. Everyone seems to think that Favre got "more than he bargained for" in New York and on the west coast things are generally dismal, save for one born again QB named Kurt.
It was right about this time that I made my first Super Bowl prediction. It was, admittedly, a very early pick but since I'm not a football analyst [I just play on in this blog] I figured what the hell, go for the gold! The prediction went as follows:
Redskins, 31; Titans, 28.
Oh yes. I had Jim Zorn winning a Super Bowl in his first year as head coach. Why? Because I'm bold like that, that's why. Feel free to go to your blog and write about how dumb I am in my blog. Seriously. Do it. I'm about to.
Since it now appears that neither of those teams will reach the Super Bowl, I suppose I ought to re-think my pick. Hm... 49ers? Bills? Seahawks? Texans? Okay, now I'm just being mean. Let's make a few picks, just because I have that kind of time today.
"Most Likely To Cause Cardiac Incidents Given Their Record in 2007" Pick: Arizona Cardinals vs. Miami Dolphins
Seriously, who goes 1-15 one season and then 9-5 the next? Apparently the Miami Dolphins do... and they did it with the Wildcat offense and by picking through the Jets' QB trash. And for those of us, myself included, who thought that Warner had gone to Arizona to die... well... he showed us! Since he is a former Northern Iowa standout, I have to say this would be pretty sweet. Unfortunately I think it would result in the lowest rated Super Bowl ever. You'd probably be able to get seats at the door... for a reasonable price...
"Most Likely To Result In A QB Who Chokes When They Need Him Most" Pick: Dallas Cowboys vs. Baltimore Ravens
You'd think that maybe we could forgive Romo for botching that snap in the playoffs... I mean sure he cost them the game... but come on, we forgave Clooney for "Batman and Robin", didn't we? Okay well I'm actually still a little upset with him for that one. Granted the 'Boys do play better when Romo is behind center, although alternatives are an aging journeyman who can't throw the ball more than 15 yards at a time and some other guy who is so unimportant that I can't remember his name and I'm not going to bother looking it up. If it comes down to the Cowboys and Ravens and either team finds themselves behind in the last 2 minutes of the game, needing a go-ahead score... I can't say I'd want to be either one of those coaches... "Hey rookie QB Flacco, go win the game." or "Tony... stay here cause we're going to kick a field goal..." Then again, maybe all Dallas needs is to actually get past the first round of play.
Let me digress here for a moment. You know that one aunt who doesn't really know you at all and so just gets you Christmas themed sweaters every year? That's what it must have been like in the first round of the draft for the Lions these last few years. "Oh... another wide receiver... Thanks Matt... No I don't have one quite like this." Drafting that many receivers and no quarterback is like getting a kid a bike with no tires, promising him the tires next year and then buying him another bike with no tires... Okay maybe it's not like that at all but at least it's a funny metaphor for a not-so-funny situation.
Let's think back to a few months ago. Week 5 in the NFL. The air is crisp and just the right temperature. The leaves are changing and acting like they could fall any day now, but continue not to. Everyone has football on the brain. Analysts are baffled by the Titans football team who sit atop the league at 5-0. The name Jim Zorn and the phrase "Coach of the Year" are being combined with some frequency. The Giants are still, well, the Giants and Plax is minus exactly one hole in his right thigh. Everyone seems to think that Favre got "more than he bargained for" in New York and on the west coast things are generally dismal, save for one born again QB named Kurt.
It was right about this time that I made my first Super Bowl prediction. It was, admittedly, a very early pick but since I'm not a football analyst [I just play on in this blog] I figured what the hell, go for the gold! The prediction went as follows:
Redskins, 31; Titans, 28.
Oh yes. I had Jim Zorn winning a Super Bowl in his first year as head coach. Why? Because I'm bold like that, that's why. Feel free to go to your blog and write about how dumb I am in my blog. Seriously. Do it. I'm about to.
Since it now appears that neither of those teams will reach the Super Bowl, I suppose I ought to re-think my pick. Hm... 49ers? Bills? Seahawks? Texans? Okay, now I'm just being mean. Let's make a few picks, just because I have that kind of time today.
"Most Likely To Cause Cardiac Incidents Given Their Record in 2007" Pick: Arizona Cardinals vs. Miami Dolphins
Seriously, who goes 1-15 one season and then 9-5 the next? Apparently the Miami Dolphins do... and they did it with the Wildcat offense and by picking through the Jets' QB trash. And for those of us, myself included, who thought that Warner had gone to Arizona to die... well... he showed us! Since he is a former Northern Iowa standout, I have to say this would be pretty sweet. Unfortunately I think it would result in the lowest rated Super Bowl ever. You'd probably be able to get seats at the door... for a reasonable price...
"Most Likely To Result In A QB Who Chokes When They Need Him Most" Pick: Dallas Cowboys vs. Baltimore Ravens
You'd think that maybe we could forgive Romo for botching that snap in the playoffs... I mean sure he cost them the game... but come on, we forgave Clooney for "Batman and Robin", didn't we? Okay well I'm actually still a little upset with him for that one. Granted the 'Boys do play better when Romo is behind center, although alternatives are an aging journeyman who can't throw the ball more than 15 yards at a time and some other guy who is so unimportant that I can't remember his name and I'm not going to bother looking it up. If it comes down to the Cowboys and Ravens and either team finds themselves behind in the last 2 minutes of the game, needing a go-ahead score... I can't say I'd want to be either one of those coaches... "Hey rookie QB Flacco, go win the game." or "Tony... stay here cause we're going to kick a field goal..." Then again, maybe all Dallas needs is to actually get past the first round of play.
Let me digress here for a moment. You know that one aunt who doesn't really know you at all and so just gets you Christmas themed sweaters every year? That's what it must have been like in the first round of the draft for the Lions these last few years. "Oh... another wide receiver... Thanks Matt... No I don't have one quite like this." Drafting that many receivers and no quarterback is like getting a kid a bike with no tires, promising him the tires next year and then buying him another bike with no tires... Okay maybe it's not like that at all but at least it's a funny metaphor for a not-so-funny situation.
"Arguably One of the More Interesting Though Not All That Likely" Pick: Atlanta Falcons vs. Indianapolis Colts
A few things here. First, Matt Ryan is a certified stud. Rookie of the year, hands down and that's a pick I'll make with confidence. I am aware that the Falcons still need to wrap up a playoff berth, but if they manage to get in (and it'll have to be a wild card because the Panthers are looking too good... more on that in a moment...) it's entirely possible. Why? Because they run the ball so well. Michael Turner is becoming a great NFL story and will have every team in the league taking a second look at the guy backing up "the guy," if you know what I mean.
Why they won't get in: Because this is the most unlikely pick I feel it's necessary to rationalize why they won't make it. The first reason is the Carolina Panthers. The second reason is also that. There is no third reason.
As for the Colts. Well, Peyton is playing extremely well again... and could very possibly make a bid for MVP, although I think I'd have to side with Mr. Drew Brees on that one b/c that team is literally NOTHING without him... making him the most valuable... see how this works? The Horses are currently on an 8 game win streak, which shouldn't surprise us anymore because once they start winning they tend to keep doing it.
Why they won't get in: It's simple really, they can't run the ball. Manning has already passed for over 3,000 yards this season... 3907 to be exact... and how does one do that? By not running the ball. The team's combined rushing total is just a little over 1,000 yards... and that's everybody put together, including Peyton himself. And as we've seen previously with the Colts, Peyton can't throw his way into the Super Bowl, actually no one can. The year they won it all it was because they were running and throwing well. Guess which one they're not doing this season? I'm painfully aware of Addai's drop in play... like fantasy football used my first round pick on him aware.
I think it'd be sweet if we had the Toilet Bowl. Let's get the two WORST teams in the NFL together and play a game... in Canada... it's more of a commentary on Canada than anything. Detroit controls its own destiny... if they lose out they are going to the Toilet Bowl. If they happen to win out (and they'd better not b/c I have tickets to the last game of the year at Lambeau...) then we'd turn to St. Louis. The interesting story is, who goes from the AFC? Kansas City? What about Cinci? Speaking of, does anyone think that maybe Carson Palmer should be asking for a trade at the end of the season? Maybe to somewhere... I don't know... not in Ohio.
WANTED: Quarterback!!!
Have you always wanted to play in the NFL? Here is your chance! The MINNESOTA VIKINGS are currently seeking a qualified candidate to fill the position of quarterback for the 2009-2010 season! All applicants considered, NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY! Two arms, two legs and the ability to hand the ball off to A.P. at least 30 times a game are a MUST. Send resumes to Ziggy Dubs at...
What's the deal with Oakland? JaMarcus Russell has completed just 51% of his passes this season for BARELY more than 2000 yards. Fully 1/4 of those yards are credited to tight end Zach Miller, who could be great if he didn't play in Oakland... But hey! Did you know that Javon Walker AND Ashley Lelie are BOTH still playing football?... well sort of. I feel like the most common answer to the question, "Hey whatever happened to (insert name of draft bust, formerly great player or injury magnet wider receiver here)?" is the Oakland Raiders.
Here's a list of teams who will most likely be searching for a new coach next season:
Detroit; St. Louis; Cleveland; Oakland... maybe Kansas City and Cincinnati...
Here's a list of teams who will consider paying way too much money for Matt Cassel:
Detroit; San Francisco and... New England! (see what I did at the end there?)
I have just watched highlights from tonight's Ravens/Cowboys game... and the Ravens ran two different backs into the end zone on two long runs, both for over 80 yards... and it made me laugh. To quote the Ravens head coach, "I thought it was a team victory... by a football team." It would've been really confusing if it had been a team victory by a synchronized swimming team... and significantly more embarrassing for the Cowboys. There were 28 points scored in the last 3 minutes of that game, by the way. How awesome is that? Man I love football!
"Actual" Pick: Carolina Panthers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
You probably forgot I was doing Super Bowl picks. I almost forgot too. The Panthers run game cannot be stopped and I really got sold when they came into Lambeau and ran all over my Packers. They can run it any where at any time with any one. You're stuffing the middle? No problem, we'll throw in Jonathan Stewart. Taking away the outside? Oh that's okay, we'll pound DeAngelo Williams up the middle... have you seen that guy's thighs? He could kick through a brick wall! Why he would ever need to do that I have no idea, but he could! And, of course, you have to throw in the occasional toss to Steve Smith, one of the best wide outs in the game. Why won't they win it? Two words: Jake Delhomme.
So this year's Super Bowl champs? How about the Pittsburgh Steelers! Gotta love that defense!!! And Big Ben, though he's been sacked roughly 3,000 times this year, still plays very well. It must be nice to be able to do pretty much anything you want on either side of the ball.
Let's go with this:
Panthers, 17 - Steelers, 28... Ben throws three TDs... all three of them to Hines Ward, who gets the MVP and then retires because he's four-billion. Did you know that he was born in Seoul? Same place as some great and hilarious blog writers... and myself.
This is my last thought: why does Wade Phillips always look like he's about to cry during press conferences?
AND
Mark Schlereth agrees with me: Tony Romo can't be trusted. He JUST said it... and I wrote that yesterday. Awesome, I'm as smart as Mark!
Wow that's nothing to write home about.
